Last night I had a really good conversation with my Dad. He told me about a time in his life when he was really lonely and depressed because among other things he was single. I explained to him how I don't think being single should be any reason to be lonely or depressed. I have a theory that if you're not happy being by yourself and are not able to have fun just being you then you're not ready for a relationship. The same goes for people who are insecure in some way or another. How can you be expected to handle somebody elses feelings and happiness if you can't handle your own?
I have a good amount of friends of both sexes reaching that settling down and having babies age, late 20's early 30's. They are so concerned about finding that one person soon that so much pressure is put on anyone new they meet. They also end up being very sad and depressed about being single right now. But how do you fix that? If you know what you want and you're reaching that age of "expiration"(not at all my term, but somebody elses) how are you suppose to be ok with being single? It's a slippery slope, I agree. My remedy? Just be happy. Accept what life is giving you and is going to give you. Accept the alternatives. You want a family by age 32. Then just be happy being yourself an be ok with an option of adopting and raising a child on your own maybe. Or find a job that you love. Or find a way to travel. Find a way to fullfill your life to make you happy in other ways. Settle for some things, but don't settle for a psuedo love. If you're happy in other ways of your life then a true love may come along. It may not. Maybe we're just suppose to be ok with that. Your thoughts?
March 19, 2009
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Heh like my mom says,"You can't give what you don't have. You can't teach someone to love themselves if you don't love yourself."
ReplyDeleteWe're all broken in some way. The only thing I have never stopped giving every part of me to is love, and it's something i believe in strongly. I think a lot of these problems are people feeling out of place in a societal construct that's so ingrained that we don't have the eyes to see the flood coming, let alone the feet to keep our heads above the water.
Many people are never taught that there are other options for self-validation. They seriously have no concept that other such fulfillment are possible. I'm just praying that it's not something we're all victims to.
No matter how strong or happy you are, never experiencing sadness is an unhealthy delusion, so I think it's best to not just look at the light at the end of the tunnel, but to keep lights on the path ahead of and behind you.
The song Lean on Me by Bill Withers explains my position quite neatly on that last paragraph :)
Sorry to hear about your day. My dad's going through the same thing, as he and my mom recently separated and he's acting like a 19-year old boy who misses his ex girlfriend...he askes about her, telling me "has she talked about me at all?"
ReplyDeleteBut I digress. A lot of people give off the image of wanting to settle down early because in this society, it's taught that if you don't find your "soul mate" by the age of 30, you're bound for loneliness your entire life. That's just not the case...I don't even believe there is really such thing as a "soul mate". I believe Dwight Schrute said it best recently on "The Office", when one of his coworkers said there is always that special somebody out there for everybody. He replied "No, there's 30 billion women on the planet, most of them are in China..." And he's right! Do people really think there is a special somebody out there for them? No, otherwise it's a hell of a coincidence that most of the time that special someone lives in the same neighborhood or city as you do.
I'm not trying to bash romance or anything, but at the same time I have to argue with your theory about being happy while single. Yes, you CAN be happy while you're single; love your job, your friends, your career, etc. But that doesn't stop you from being lonely. Why do you think they call it a "broken heart"? You can't live without a heart.
A good friend of mine once told me a "Broken heart is like a broken limb. You can drug it up with painkillers all you want, but it will never heal; in fact, it will get infected or worse. You have to work with it, with exercises and rehabilitation. It will heal." But like you said, "If you're happy in other ways of your life then a true love may come along. It may not." At least you're honest and not stuck in Katie Holmes-Land, to where I have to shout "BULL PUCKY!!!"
Soooo, good for you, I guess, in trying to be happy while single. You're stronger than most people out there. For me, I'm neither happy or depressed in being single. For me, I just live. C'est la Vie.